You stole my thunder!

This is gonna sound so dumb, but bear with me!

I feel like when we get engaged it's going to be perceived as less special because EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING ENGAGED. I think there have been 4 engagements these past two months on top of the 15 other engagements from earlier in the year. I'm happy for everyone, of course, but my happiness is slowly turning into anxiety.

The anxiety isn't "when am I gonna get engaged?" because I know it's coming soon (we went to a wedding on Saturday and spent a good portion of the reception planning our own wedding) but more of "are we just gonna be ANOTHER engagement?" And also, "how are we gonna find a wedding date that doesn't interfere with everyone else's?"

I guess a lot of this turmoil comes from my own sense of self-importance...like, everyone should stop what they're doing and bask in the fact that we're engaged! But really? I know that people will be happy for us and do what they can to make it to the wedding, no matter when it is. I just really want to make sure that certain friends are able to make it and don't have to make a choice about whose wedding to go to. I'm hoping that it's an easy choice if it's a choice at all! It's sad how my selfishness is evident even BEFORE I start planning a wedding.

Speaking of thunder-stealing...W and I have talked at length about elements we would want in our wedding (thankfully we agree on a lot of things!), even to the point of setting a date...but I can't really talk about everything publicly because he doesn't want to steal thunder from the actual engagement. Good man! He knows that I could talk about the wedding hypothetically for hours, but this way it makes it our little secret. Plus he knows that I want it to be a big deal when we get engaged. Maybe he secretly wants it too. =D

On a separate note, I've had several dreams where W proposed to me. So far I haven't been happy with any of them...I specifically remember saying yes but feeling disappointed in the way he asked. I'm afraid that in my mind I've hyped it up so much that I won't enjoy the moment when it comes! Man...my control freak tendencies better not ruin this. I guess I should dispel my expectations (including the one where I cry buckets of joyful tears) so that when it comes I can just be happy. I'm pretty sure that won't be too hard though- W is pretty incredible. =)