Dear California

Thank you for being beautiful.

love,
T

Anaheim has become significantly prettier in the last 8 years. I wanted to find a place that was close to church but interesting enough to take formal shots. Hopefully the weather is just as gorgeous that day! The day I went to check places out there was a cute little street fair...I had this really yummy fruit salad (Mexican style? With coconut, granola, and walnuts on top) which was perfect since I didn't want a heavy lunch.



Can you believe these pictures are by Anaheim City Hall? Across the street they opened a museum and they're in the process of building a courtyard with fountains and stuff. Hopefully they'll be done by August so we can take pictures there! One good tip from some brides who have had photojournalist-type photographers: make sure to ask for some formal shots of the bride and groom, family, etc. Someone I talked to this weekend said she didn't have any normal shots of her and her husband! I hope my photographer doesn't get mad at me for being so demanding, but I have a LOT of shots I'd love her to take.

***
OC, you can't repeat any of this to anyone!

I spent the entire day with my future mother-in-law because she wanted to find her dress for the wedding. At first I thought it was going to be just one stop at a shop near my workplace, but W warned me this morning that she wanted to go all over Eastern Massachusetts. Luckily my schedule was clear, so when the time came I was prepared. We ended up covering a lot of ground (went to Wayside Commons, then to Filene's Basement in Needham, then the Chestnut Hill Mall, and then the Burlington Mall) and finally found something at Lord and Taylor at the Burlington Mall. She had seen the dress awhile back and hadn't tried it on, so I told her to try it on...and it fit beautifully! I was really happy with the choice, and I think she was too even though it was a little expensive. I think it's worth it cuz the material is really flowy and wrinkle-free, which will be nice for that day. She bought it, but she'll keep her eyes open in Taiwan in case she sees something she likes more.

For the most part I get along with my FMIL. We don't always think the same way, but I think there's mutual respect. However, despite the comfort level, I'm still always so nervous about making her upset, saying something inappropriate, or that deep down inside she's not really sure if she likes me. She's not a volatile person by any means, but I know that the language barrier and the fact that I'm a 3rd generation Chinese-American work against me. I'm taking measures to improve my Mandarin, but I can't do anything about the fact that I don't think the same way as my future in-laws. Their concerns for us are always legitimate (weight, making sure we have pre-marital counseling taken care of, money, etc.) so I know they're looking out for us, but it takes me a minute to remember that they're not criticizing us. Or, I think they're not...

Maybe that's what bothers me sometimes- when people act like I'm not capable of making a good decision. I know I'm only 25, but I like to think that I'm sensible. (BTW, I'm totally guilty of doing this to some of you, so forgive me for being so overbearing. I'll work on it.) I was trying to figure out the whole cause-and-effect cycle and this is what I came up with:

1. I don't keep the person informed about any decisions/important events
2. The person realizes she doesn't know any information about decisions/important events
3. The person thinks that I might not have thought about any details re: d/ie
4. Person asks me lots of detailed questions about d/ie
5. I get defensive because I feel like the person thinks that I haven't put any thought into d/ie

Granted, there are things that I haven't thought about yet, and that will either 1) be a good reminder or 2) stress me out because I haven't looked into it and it's another thing to add to my list. But regardless, I think the solution to this problem is to keep people informed as much as possible. Maybe not every little detail (especially since I'm trying to pull off some surprises), but enough so that they know this wedding is in good hands. And enough so that W's parents know their son is in good, capable hands. =)

I was really flattered the other day because a friend called and asked W how wedding plans were going and W responded: "It's been going well...T's a superstar, so it's been going pretty smoothly." It made me feel appreciated and very happy because I know that he trusts me with this task. I think in general, our parents trust me to make plans that are best for everyone...but they just want to be in the loop. Just wait until they get their 2-inch three-ring binders with the entire wedding laid out in multiple spreadsheets! Mua ha.

Just kidding. Or am I?

(That's brilliant! And there can be boxes that can be checked off once things are completed...holy cow. I should take a week off work just to make these.)

i'm so excited!

Did you look at the title and think of Jessie Spanos from Saved by the Bell? If so, I'm certain we will be lifelong friends.

W has been really great about wedding stuff after I talked to him about taking more initative. He's pretty much trusting me to run point on the wedding and he'll take care of things whenever I ask him to do something. This week I made us both wedding to-do lists and we got most of the stuff done...and some stuff that wasn't even on the list! We ordered our wedding bands and tuxes this afternoon.

Ladies- guys have it so easy. We went to Men's Wearhouse for tuxes a few weeks ago with W's best man, and the whole time I was appalled at how easy it is for them. The limited amount of choices makes it SO much simpler. And plus, they could have bought suits for everyone for just a little more than the price of renting a tux! And they can totally wear suits again! Ridiculous. I was so enraged. (Only because boys have it so easy in this whole wedding process.)

We were originally gonna go with suits instead of tuxes, and after we made that tentative decision I panicked because I already bought W those cufflinks. I frantically emailed his BM who assured me that I'd be able to figure something out. The more I thought about it though, the more I just wanted the guys to be formal and wear tuxes. Lucky for me the suit thing fell through and W decided to go with tuxes. Whew! My non-refundable purchase was not in vain.

Next obstacle: convincing W's dad to wear a tux. He doesn't ever like to dress up, so we're gonna have to be clever to make it happen. We could just have the dads wear suits, but from my recollection I don't think he or my dad have suits that are formal/fancy enough. Any suggestions would be appreciated! The best I could come up with is having his tux be the free tux that we're getting with our rental.

My excitement grows more and more each week! Whenever we make decisions I get giddy. I'm so thrilled to have our friends and family be part of our big day! My vendors and helpers have been SO fantastic...I love that they're detail-oriented and readily available to communicate through email. So fetch.

Sorry I've been slacking in posting. And so far the entries haven't been very deep...mostly weddingbee-style entries about details. I'll try to make this more personal and less vague.

do me a favor?

LESS THAN 5 MONTHS! HOLY COW!

It is not a good idea to think/talk about wedding stuff when I'm tired, I have to go to work, I haven't seen my fiance in four days, and I'm feeling stressed. I made this mistake when I was talking to him the other night. I was like, "dude, we have five months left! There's still a lot to do." After I listed everything I thought we still had to do he was like, "We don't really have to do all those right away, right?" If we had been in the same room I would have shot him the dirtiest look I could summon.

He's right- we don't have to do all of these things right now. Some things, like the invitations, have to wait. HOWEVER since W is gonna be in Hartford all stinkin' summer, that leaves just me to take care of all the wedding stuff if we put it off, not to mention finding an apartment to move into in August.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE planning things. But I think I have very high expectations for this wedding...because I'm viewing it as a HUGE party for our friends and family, and I want it to not only reflect us, but to show appreciation for the important people in our lives that are coming to share our big day. I know in the end all the details don't matter, but I care a lot about how things turn out. I like to care about the details.

I had a dream that W and I were driving away from our wedding and discussing the day. We both felt like it was "whatever" and didn't think it was really fun. Needless to say, I was really upset when I woke up!

I know I have to give everything over to God...even small details like our wedding favors (sets of measuring spoons! The tag will say "Measure your life in love" and have our new address on it!) 5 months is still plenty of time to get things done, and really, in the end, all that matters is that we're married. I think I would feel better if I didn't feel like I was carrying the weight of the wedding on my shoulders. It sorta feels like I'm always the one instigating wedding planning...but I know W is busy with school and stressed about projects and stuff, so I don't feel like it's fair to get upset about it. We're going to NYC this weekend to meet up with the pastor who's marrying us, so hopefully time in the car will be fruitful. Please pray that I'm gracious, patient, and loving towards him!

I totally miss you all- even the Boston people. It's only March but I can already see my weekends and free time dwindling away. Sadness.

finally!

I decided to take matters into my own hands and send out our Save-the-Date today. We've had it done since February but it's taken awhile to get everyone's email addresses. Thank goodness for Facebook! I know it's just a formality but we really want people to come; plus, airfare and everything is so expensive that people need to book as early as possible. Including us- eesh, I should get on that.

If you didn't get the email, let me know ASAP! I'm so worried that I missed crucial people...but hopefully all those people have that date saved anyway.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7Yc60rvUW5A

The video was W's idea. He brought it up one day when we were hanging out and I loved it so much that I wanted to tape it right then and there. We filmed a bunch of videos at my place but then decided to kick it up a notch and add costumes. I love seeing his creative side!

Speaking of creative, my cousin/flower girl drew this:










The wedding party, according to her. Nevermind the bridesmaids and groomsmen...who needs them when you have the flower girls and ring bearers? Haha, so cute.

make me pretty!

It never occurred to me that we would still have formal dances in college. I went to plenty of dances in high school and thought that was the end of it. Formals in college were interesting because people would go with dates, sorta, or go as a huge stag group but then someone would ruin it by asking someone...I dunno exactly, but there was always drama. Anyway, I was in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend was very involved in his schoolwork, so I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be going to a college formal. It's fine, I told myself. I don't need this anyway. I can help everyone get ready. I don't have to be part of the drama. Here, borrow my camera while I curl your hair. Have fun.

Instead of dressing up for formal I would go all out if we were having a Sister's Appreciation, going out for someone's birthday, etc. "It's my only chance to dress up!" I'd say. I was obviously overcompensating.

Now I'm a nurse and my work clothes consists of scrubs. I don't wear makeup or jewelry (other than my e-ring and a simple necklace) because face it, it's gonna get gross. And we don't really go out to fancy places or clubs or whatever, so I have little need to dress up. I thought I was becoming more comfortable with this laid-back clothing lifestyle, to the point where it wasn't a big deal to dress up. I was definitely wrong.

I GET TO DRESS UP ON MY WEDDING DAY! I can wear all the jewelry I want, have my hair and makeup done by someone else, be sparkly and shiny and ivory, have my nails done (for once!), and it's okay because it's my wedding day! I feel like it's my retribution for having to dress all scrubby. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but man, my femininity feels like it's been hitting an all-time low. I guess I could wear more form-fitting scrubs but I'm not THAT kind of nurse. And really, no one ever should be.

Anyway, pictures of my accessories thus far:






























*ivory/gold ballet flats from Nordstrom Rack
*Givenchy Swarovski crystal earrings from Macy's
*Monet pearl and CZ earrings from Macy's
*the bustle on my dress (loosely done, it'll be cleaner day of)
*Swarovski crystal/pearl necklace from Guatemala courtesy of the lovely CJ (isn't it perfect!?!? She saw it there and bought it for me.)

I bought the Monet earrings because they match the necklace, but when I tried them on they were too subtle. I'll be wearing the blingy ones instead. I had a lot of help choosing accessories from my designated stylist, EJ, and my bridesmaids. Thanks gals! Actually, I think that the only accessory I need now is my wedding band! W and I will work on that.

I also had my hair trial while in California:




















Miss Caramel (Carol) from Weddingbee happens to be friends with one of my bridesmaids, so I asked her to do my hair for the big day. I drove up to Culver City to see her- she was so nice! I had sent her pictures of things that I liked and she was able to visualize it pretty well.

I liked the back of my hair but she made it too high the first time. I looked like a ballerina, which was a little too stiff for me. She ended up making it lower (which is good since my hair is so stinkin' heavy) and making my side part more evident. Simple, classic, and hopefully beautiful. And hopefully able to withstand the 16-hour day that is my wedding.

I'll be meeting with Jamie, my makeup artist, sometime in May. I'm so intimidated by makeup, but Jamie did my makeup for another wedding and I felt really comfortable with her. Hurrah! It's such a relief to have awesome vendors and have some of these little things done. Almost 5 months until the wedding!

Pao Pao Pao!

Getting my qipao/cheongsam was the most difficult wedding-related task I had last week. I thought it'd be relatively simple- go to Temple City, find a place to buy the dress or have it made, done! Unfortunately that wasn't the case.

My mom, grandma and I trekked up to Temple City to a street that supposedly had dozens of shops for Chinese dresses. That assumption was only half correct- there were dozens of shops, but unfortunately half of them were closed, and most of them were the Taiwanese-glamour-shot studios. We found a shop that had some dresses, and my mom had me try some on to get an idea of what I liked.





















This is just a sampling...let's just say that nothing fit perfectly. The first dress was an attempt at something traditional, the second was something more modern (boatneck and mermaid cut? Interesting.) the third was actually pretty good, and the fourth was for my grandma cuz she liked the dragon and phoenix design. The design was okay, but the dress was made of velvet and it was see-through. Not the look I'm going for. The third dress would have to be let out, plus it was $600 to custom-make it or $120 to rent it for the weekend.

$600?!?!? My wedding dress didn't even cost that much. I said no thanks and went to Little Saigon in Westminster to try again.

My mom warned me against Vietnamese cheongsams because the quality isn't as good. I thought she was being racist but later found that she was totally right. Nothing in the stores looked as good as the Chinese ones. However, my sister got a dress made at a place called Francine Bridal, so we went there. The price was right (approx. $70 to have it custom made), but I didn't like their fabric. Thus began our search for "the perfect fabric" through Little Saigon.

Did you know that there are, like, 10 fabric stores near Bolsa and Magnolia? We didn't find the fabric until the 10th store. The first store we found had fabric for $25/yard, which I thought was unreasonable, and the last store had better fabric for $12/yard. My little sister/MOH was a trooper for going to all those stores and not complaining once. We found two patterns we liked but wanted another opinion before buying it.





















I had my mom and grandma go with me the next day to double-check the fabric before I bought it, and then rushed to Francine Bridal to get my order in. This was done the morning I went back to Boston.

The whole process was nice because I got to include my grandma. My grandma said she got married in China when the Communists took over and they weren't allowed to have weddings...just small ceremonies that included the bride, groom, and maybe a professor or something. She's totally new to all this hoopla, so it was fun including her in this part. She had a lot of opinions about what she thought the dress should look like, so I'm glad she got a chance to express it instead of giving me a disapproving look later on. Hopefully she'll have fun at the wedding!

So the verdict: red, strapless, backless! I'll show you pictures of the final product when I go to my fitting in May.

huh?

I have a ton of pictures to post about my wedding-planning week in California (which, btw, I would highly recommend, with some adjustments), but since it's late and I have to work tomorrow I'll just say this:

I think I get hit on more now that I'm engaged than when I was just dating.

This is, like, the reverse-Carla effect! (In Scrubs Carla noticed that men didn't notice her anymore after she got engaged...to the point where The Todd wasn't even making sexual innuendos around her.) I, however, have gotten hit on more. The cashier at Staples was asking me for my zodiac sign after he saw my ring (nipped that one cuz I told him it was my engagement ring) and then some dude at the Phoenix airport totally winked at me and gave me twice the amount of chili cheese fries (pictured above).

I'm kind of confused, but this lends to my theory that people of the opposite sex are more attracted to you when you're unavailable. Hear me out: if you know someone is in a relationship, that means that 1) they're able to make a commitment and 2) someone else likes that person for some reason or another. So it's like two automatic plusses...even if you were neutral about that person, knowing they're in a relationship may make you stop to think about their better qualities, or what they might contribute to a relationship.

I'd venture to say that if a really "blah" guy was with a really "wow" girl it would cause everyone to question what that guy had that we didn't notice but the "wow" girl saw. And we might look more favorably on the "blah" guy because of it.

I don't know if that makes sense but I think the theory has some validity. I hope you other bride-to-be's aren't getting hit on left and right, and for everyone else...something to think about. =)