Conservative or liberal?

We're not talking politics- we're talking about my qipao/cheongsam! (W's family calls it a qipao cuz they're Mandarin speaking and we call it a cheongsam cuz we're Canto.)

It looks like we're going to have a tea ceremony right before the banquet, so I want a cheongsam for the occasion. Technically I could just wear my wedding gown, but I want a cheongsam. Yes, I am aware that I'll be changing out of my gown and into the cheongsam and then back into my gown for the beginning of the banquet (and then maybe into the cheongsam again later that night) but I don't care! I'll do it!

So anyway, a friend from WashU got married in 2004 and had a BACKLESS cheongsam. Her mom made it for her, and it was purple brocade and totally gorgeous. Ever since then I was like, dude, I want a sexy cheongsam, too.

Lucky for me that style is en vogue and relatively easy to find. I talked to a seamstress in California way back when and she said she'd be able to do it for me. Here's what it might look like:




































So here are my questions/dilemmas:

1) Is the backless cheongsam too revealing? I know I'm wearing a strapless gown, but that's more acceptable. This is pretty non-traditional, and I'll be meeting some of W's relatives from Taiwan for the first time. I don't want to be offensive. (I obviously have no trouble showing skin...I AM Californian after all!)
2) Can I wear the same strapless bra with my gown and this dress?
and
3) Should I go with the traditional red or another color? I don't want white (I think that's a funeral color) and pink supposedly is the color concubines wear. I don't know if there are special meanings behind other colors, too. I tried on a red one and it looked okay (since my complexion is so pale. Thank you, Boston!) but I like to be different. Maybe blue, after my hero:



Thoughts?

wintry mix

Positive note: I called The Wedding Day and spoke to the owner about the price difference to see if they would match it. They told me the online vendor is making their own dresses instead of giving people actual Bill Levkoff dresses, which is why it's so much cheaper. Shady! Regardless, she said she'd give me 10% off my bridesmaid dresses since I bought my wedding dress there. Score!

Negative note: I'm starting to get carried away. I can feel it! Last night I was obsessing over hair, makeup, the reception, you name it, and I started to get really offended when W wasn't agreeing with me over what I thought were obvious decisions. I chatted with a couple people on gchat and was gently reminded that sometimes simple is better and when it comes down to it, people are just there to see us. It's not a circus, for crying out loud. It made me think about what I want people to think when they're going home that night.

W's three adjectives that he wants for our wedding are fun, joyful, and beautiful. Mine were beautiful, emotional, fun. Thankfully they're very similar! Eesh...it's so easy to be caught up in all of these things and forget that we're not glorifying ourselves but God. *sigh*

Deal or no deal

I made a lot of split-second decisions the first week we were engaged, including my wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses. In retrospect, I shouldn't have let my mom put down a deposit for the bridesmaid dresses so quickly because the price of the dress is almost $60 cheaper online. Argh! I think I was so caught up in the moment that I wasn't thinking straight. One good thing is that it allowed us to buy the dresses for our bridesmaids, but really...aiya. I'm going to see if I can rectify it over the next few days.


This is the bridesmaid dress- except it'll be navy blue with a champagne sash. I have to find the paperwork and see what the refund policy is (if there IS one) and I know the dresses haven't been ordered yet because I don't have the measurements for two of my bridesmaids. I'm a little wary of buying things off the internet sometimes because the dresses might not be legit or lower quality...but there are plenty of honest people out there, too, right? Or maybe The Wedding Day will be willing to throw in a discount if we get all our dresses through them.

It doesn't hurt to ask. And worse comes to worse, we pay the price for that blunder and try and find ways to save money elsewhere.

On a good note, my dress is by Ronald Joyce and it's hard to find his designs on the internet. I think it's because it's a British company and my particular dress is discontinued. I tried to find pricing for my dress and came up with zilch, but other brides paid much more for their dresses, so I feel a little better.

Still! I need to be a better steward of my money (and of the other parties that are contributing to this wedding.) *sigh*

little ones

We spent some time today doing wedding stuff (including collecting email addresses for save-the-dates) and finalized our wedding party!

We already asked our bridesmaids and groomsmen awhile ago, but we weren't sure what we wanted for ring bearers and flower girls. I love kids, and fortunately I have younger cousins who fit the bill. Besides my plethora of cousins, we have friends in Boston who have adorable babies, too. SOOOOO CUTE. Too bad they're all too young to be fg/rb.

I think this decision took awhile because we were playing with the idea of being "fair" and not having any kids involved at all. I think deep down I knew I wanted a flower girl and ring bearer, but it was hard to decide between my adorable cousins. W didn't seem to mind either way (his cousins are way too old to be considered), so I asked if four of my cousins could be involved. I think at first he thought it was too many, but when I told him why I wanted each of them he easily agreed. This wedding is totally dominated with my side of the family! I'll have to figure out a way to even things out a little more.

Anyway, our cuties:

Now I have to figure out what they're going to wear! As if they could get any cuter. =)

the ONE

W, DO NOT LOOK AT THIS POST!!!!





This is what I thought I wanted for my wedding dress. Light, airy, wide straps (I really didn't want strapless), simple, GORGEOUS.

However, I when I was trying on dresses I realized that I'm not a tall, slender woman. And my body shape just doesn't lend itself to these kinds of dresses. *sadness*

I'm making it sound worse than it is. Here's what happened:
12/31/07- we got engaged
1/1/08- we drove back to California from Phoenix
1/2/08: My mom, sister (MOH), and two bridesmaids all went to David's Bridal with me. I scheduled an appointment so they'd pay attention to me, but my actual intention was to find bridesmaid dresses.


We really liked these tea-length dresses (which would either be boatneck or halter, depending on what my bridesmaids wanted to wear- I didn't care if they all didn't match.) We didn't decide on anything yet because we had to see what my dress looked like.

I tried on three dresses at DB but didn't love any of them. They were all halters, and after looking at the pictures I realized that they made me look very endowed. (!) I definitely didn't want my rack to be the center of attention! My entourage really liked the third dress I tried on, but I wasn't convinced.



I had made another appointment at this place called "The Wedding Day" which I found on yelp.com. There was only one review, but they listed designers I was interested in (Mori Lee, Jasmine Couture, and Jim Hjelm) and had a positive review. I thought it might be fun to go try stuff on to get a better idea of what I liked.

The woman who helped me balked at my budget (I said less than $500) but decided to give me a chance anyway. She had racks of designer gowns that were discontinued so the price was negotiable (or considerably less than when they were in season). I picked out a few styles that I thought were pretty and she helped me try them on.

She prefaced the first dress by saying, "This is the one you're going to choose." She pulled it over my head, and then started lacing up the corset. I took a look at myself in the mirror and almost started to cry. The dress was the exact opposite of what I thought I wanted- a strapless, A-line ball gown with a long train- but it was THE dress. I wasn't sure if my reaction was just the reality of being engaged finally hitting me or what, so I left the dressing room to see what everyone else thought.



They all had a visceral reaction when I came out- one BM said her heart skipped a beat for a second. (We're so dramatic, I know.) It was pretty evident that I was going to buy this one, even though I tried on a couple more dresses. One was really cute and very romantic/modern, but I thought my fiance would like this one best. I wasn't worried about the strapless issue because the corset kept everything in place. =) It's kinda heavy, but I didn't care. The price was right ($450), it was discontinued so it was one-of-a-kind, and I could take it home that day because I didn't need any alterations except to hem it. We also found more formal bridesmaids dresses at that store.


I'm standing on a chair, I'm obviously not that tall.

I left the dress in California, so I'll have to have it hemmed when I go back in May. After looking at it again and thinking about it I'm not as impressed with it...probably because it looks like every other wedding dress. I was hoping for something unique and memorable. Really though- I'm glad I found my dress. I think the joy and delight on my face will speak more than any dress could.

i heart aa

Not Alcoholics Anonymous (although I do recognize the good work that they do).
American Airlines! I admit, I don't always have a good time with their flights, but for the most part it's a love relationship. A quick story:

When I started undergrad in 2000 TWA used to have this booklet of travel vouchers. It was great for college students because each voucher could be used for a one-way ticket home or back to school. Since I was halfway across the country I amassed plenty of frequent flier points. Having a long-distance boyfriend also contributed to that cause.

TWA was absorbed by AA, so all of my miles were transferred to AA. I accumulated enough points to take a trip to NYC with my mom and sister, and later booked tickets through AA's oneworld partners for our trip to Italy. Helllooooo ffps! Having a boyfriend that lived all the way on the east coast (and eventually moving here myself) added even more points.

The best part about all of this was that since I travel so much AA rewarded me with Gold Status. This means I always get to board in Group 1 and I can go through the Business/First Class security line- a welcome change for someone who hates getting to the airport 2 hours early. Hurrah for airline loyalty! Granted, I'll sometimes fly Jetblue or other airlines, but often enough I'm able to find what I need on AA.com.

Anyway, the reason for this post: AA also offers discounts for weddings! You don't have to pay anything- you just fill out an online form with your information and then someone from their Group/Meeting Travel department will contact you. I emailed back and they're going to send me a promotional code that my guests can use for 5% off their airfare. It has to be used either by the phone or at AA.com, but it's valid for seven days before and after the wedding and applies to even discounted fares. I think other airlines do this, too, but I'm sticking with AA since it's been so good to me. http://www.aa.com/aa/pubcontent/en_US/businessPrograms/groupsMeetings/leisureGroup.jsp

5% isn't a whole lot, but any little bit helps. Plus there are special offers for car rentals included, too!

When's the big day?

I've found that I have a little bit of trouble telling people about the wedding. It's not like I don't like talking about it- I LOVE talking about it! But I'm hesitant to talk about the wedding if I'm not planning on inviting the person to my wedding.

If we had unlimited funds we'd let anyone come (well, not just anyone...no ex-boyfriends, obviously) but that's obviously not the case. Right now I've been pretty liberal about telling people when and where the wedding will be (it's a lot easier since we're in Boston and the wedding is in California, which is automatically a filter), but I'm a little worried about how it'll be when we meet up with friends from undergrad or casual acquaintances in California.

Technically, anyone can come to the wedding, but the banquet will be limited to close friends, family, and out-of-town guests. So here are the scenarios that make me a little nervous:
1) Friends from California who expect to be invited to the banquet even though we're really not very close
2) Friends from school who want to fly out but aren't on our invite list at all

I guess we'll worry about it if/when the situations arise. Most people are wedding-savvy enough to not be hurt if they aren't invited (we've had several friends get engaged this past year, so it's a lot of money for them to fly out to every wedding!), but I'm worried about how to gracefully change the subject or even talk about the wedding without feelings getting hurt.

My FI thinks I'm overreacting, but I guess I'd rather have an idea of what I'm going to say instead of being embarrassed (or embarrassing the other person). Ideas? Thoughts?

the few, the proud

I had a really hard time choosing my bridesmaids. Since I've moved from coast to coast I've had numerous women make an impact in my life. How can I choose just a few when they all mean so much to me?

I chose my sister as MOH- before it was just a diplomatic pick since I didn't want to choose between my friends, but now we're actually good friends. I also chose my two best friends from high school because we've been through so much and still remain good friends even though we live in separate coasts. Three seemed like too little, but I didn't want to have 6 or 7 because I didn't think that my FI had 6 or 7 guys he wanted to ask. I guess it could have been uneven, but I liked having an equal amount of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

The process wasn't as simple as I thought. At first I went with an all-or-nothing approach: If I couldn't include all the women in one category I would eliminated it entirely. I have three college suitemates whom I adore, but since I didn't want to ask just one of them I decided to be fair and not ask any of them. I also have three close friends in Boston but didn't want to ask one and not the others (which turned out fine since two of them will be planning their own weddings.) I'll probably ask them to help out with different parts of the wedding later.

However, I was left with the choice between a friend from my church youth group and my FI's sister. My friend and I had been hoping to be in each other's weddings since high school, but I really love my FSIL and wanted her to be included, too. My FI had mentioned having four, so it was really hard to choose which one I wanted to ask. What to do!?!?

Thankfully my FI decided to ask three of his good friends and then ask my two brothers. It was a total blessing because not only did it allow me to include both ladies, but it meant that all of our siblings would be in the bridal party. Yay!

Did anyone else have a hard time deciding who to include? I felt like I not only had to consider my relationship with each person, but whether or not they'd have the time and the funds (being a bridesmaid is very involved financially, too!) Some of my friends have had to ask people they weren't as close with because their FI's had so many groomsmen, but I have no idea how they chose the people they did. Did you consider whether or not they would all get along? I'm glad I decided already, but I'm curious about how other people chose.

totally distracted!

It's so hard to concentrate when I have something so pretty on my finger!

I love my ring- I had mixed feelings about the e-ring to begin with because:
1) W just started school and I didn't want him to demolish his savings account for an extravagant ring
2) At work I have to wash my hands, put gloves on, etc. so it had to be able to withstand a lot of wear and tear
3) I'm really not that fancy myself
4) I didn't want a diamond (due to the inflated prices and the whole conflict diamond issue) and W didn't want to get me a "fake" diamond (aka moissanite, which I was okay with cuz it's gorgeous!)
5) I like sapphires or other gemstones, but they had to be durable and the sapphires I had seen online were really dark.

Leave it up to the FI to find the perfect ring! I refused to go shopping with him because I wanted to be surprised, but I threw him a bone and sent pictures of things that I liked. I wanted a really unique ring with an antique feel (if not an antique itself).

He ended up choosing a beautiful round cut sapphire with channel set diamonds on the top sides, caesar engraving on the other sides, and a surprise diamond underneath. He even checked to see if they could find out where the smaller diamonds were from, but unfortunately they don't trace those. The sapphire is perfect- it's not too dark, and it takes on different hues in various lighting. I was really surprised when I first saw it, but now it's hard for me to take my eyes off of it. I love it more each day...not just because it's pretty, but because I'm starting to really understand the implication of this ring.



With that in mind, I'm trying to think of an engagement present for my FI. I don't want to get him a ring since he's waiting for his wedding band, but it seems so one-sided to receive something so expensive and meaningful and give nothing in return. Okay, not nothing- he does get a fiancee who loves him very much- but you know what I mean! One friend got her husband an HDTV as a gift...talk about distracting! I don't want to get something just for the sake of getting something, so if inspiration hits me then I'll buy it. Any ideas?

I was thinking about these, but I might save them for a wedding gift:

Red Sox cufflinks! I think they're "wicked" cute but I might see them in person first before I make any decisions.

yes yes yes yes yes!

We're engaged!

My family lives in California but we have relatives in Arizona, so we all decided to go there for New Year's this year. W met us in Phoenix on the 29th (after going on a 10-day cruise to the Caribbean with his family) and would drive back to California with us afterwards, too.

On the 30th W went to a football game with some of the guys in my family while I babysat one of my cousins and then shopped with my mom and sister. That night we had dinner with our relatives and stayed for awhile afterwards to play. W went back to my uncle's house first (where we were staying) and I drove back later with my brothers and sister. We stopped for a Slurpee and then made it back to the house.

After we started settling down and getting ready for bed, W asked if I wanted to go have some alone time. It was past midnight and a little cold, so I asked if we could just have alone time when we ran errands in the morning. He kept looking at me intently, so I got the hint and put on my coat.

We walked down some random street and finally settled on a spot where it was quiet. He shared about some things he had been thinking about on the cruise and how he was looking forward to the ways he could serve me when we're married. I said "aw, thanks" and told him I was hoping I could do the same for him.

At this point I was thinking "Is he going to seal the deal or what?"

THEN he said, "I have another surprise for you" to which I replied, "Oh really?"
He nodded and said, "It's shiny."
And then I started crying.
W pulled out the ring, got down on one knee and asked if I would marry him. And I said yes.

I was crying and hugging him and interrogating him for 20 minutes afterwards. I called my parents (who were staying in a hotel nearby) and then got mauled by my sister and brothers as soon as we walked in the door.

It's been almost a week but I'm still in disbelief! I'm so happy though...I can't even explain. I'll try and explain better over the next few days. Until then, a picture of us that night: