My parents rock

Thanks so much for thinking of us and praying for us! Even though I'm sad we don't get the banquet hall with the ginormous dance floor, I'm thankful that it's not the WEDDING that's called off. I know we'll have a great time with everyone there, no matter where we are.

Seafood Palace sent us a formal letter to tell us that the banquet hall was closed, and they'll refund our deposit (whew!). My parents have been on the prowl for a new place...we have some good candidates, but they'd all require some compromises. One place has an awesome banquet menu but only seats 270, and the other can seat 300-400 people but the food sounds similar to Seafood Palace's menu (not true Chinese- more of a Vietnamese/Cambodian influence.)

I'm sooooo grateful that my parents are willing and able to look for a new site for us. Granted, they get to try food at all these restaurants, but still...they were really calm about it when I told them (even though I was on the verge of tears) and they're really positive that we'll be able to find a place even though it's almost May. Props to my sister, too, who called to make sure I was okay when she found out about the banquet hall. I've been at work the past couple days so I haven't been able to help with this process. Besides the fact that I'm on the East Coast- if I had a block of days off I would probably fly out to California to help, but things are getting way too busy over here.

In retrospect, Seafood Palace was still a great choice...I didn't have to worry about champagne, the cake, colors for decorations...everything was more or less provided. Once we decide on a place there'll be lots more decisions to make, but luckily we'll be out there Memorial Day weekend to take care of some of that. We're less than four months away!

!!!???$#%!?!?

WE LOST OUR BANQUET SPACE.

The coordinator at Seafood Palace said they're closing down their banquet location on July 31. Thankfully (W pointed this out, I obviously saw no good in this situation) they're able to save the date at their first location (Seafood Palace #1, which is your typical Chinese restaurant.)

I'm so upset right now, but luckily W's staying calm...we're looking up other places in OC or nearby that might be able to accommodate us on short notice. Our default is Seafood Palace #1, but at least now we have a chance to look for a place with better food. If that's even possible in this short a time.

HOLY FRICK. I am not happy. And I'm crazy tired from work, so that's twice as bad.

I before E

We had our first official pre-marital counseling session this weekend in New Jersey. It's slightly inconvenient to have to travel that far, but it's nice because it gives us time in the car to talk about things. We've been dating for quite awhile (almost 4 years!) so we weren't too surprised by each other's answers, but it was still good to flesh things out.

It's funny how you can talk about things in theory, but it's very different when you're actually faced with a situation. Pre-marital counseling is good preparation, but will we do everything we hoped to do when faced with an argument?

Oddly enough, while we were working on invitations tonight one of our major differences came to light: I am extroverted while W is very introverted. He doesn't like being the center of attention and talking with lots and lots of people wears him out. I love being the center of attention and I'm glad we're inviting a lot of people to the wedding because I want to share the joy with everyone.

Obviously I can't have a 10-person wedding, so what are ways that I can accommodate my introverted fiance? I know that day is going to be really tiring, so we're trying to space things out a little. I know the couple's attitude and mood can set the tone for the entire wedding, so I want both of us to be as happy and carefree as possible. Any suggestions are welcome!

sorry, no can do

Our guest list is enormous. I told my cousin that I wanted the invitations to be simple, which she was fine with, but when she found out that we're inviting 500 people to the wedding she was like, "OH! No wonder you wanna keep it simple!" Yes. We're crazy. Our wedding is gonna be madness.

We sent out the save-the-date, and we've already found out that some people won't be able to make it (due to pregnancy, missions training, or school.) My question: Do we still send invitations to these people? Etiquette that I've learned is that if you get an invitation but don't attend you still need to send a gift. I don't want the people that can't make it to feel obligated to send a gift, especially because we knew well in advance that they wouldn't be able to make it. BUT I don't want to skip sending them an invitation just because they can't go. Is that weird? What's the right thing to do in this situation?

no fighting

W and I finally had a date night where we didn't discuss any wedding stuff. We didn't explicitly say so, but I did my very best not to mention the wedding at all. Mission accomplished! We just sat and talked over beers at Watch City Brewery Co. in Waltham. (By beers I mean I drank 1/3 of mine and he drank his and 1/3 of mine.)

Anyway, he asked, "Is it weird that we don't fight very much?" It's true- generally we don't fight. We get frustrated with each other and we voice those frustrations, but we rarely fight. I wasn't that concerned about it cuz I know that in due time we'll more than make up for these years where we didn't fight much...but after thinking about it a little I'm more concerned.

I attribute some of this to the nature of my job. It's not in my best interest to fight with a patient or co-worker (a doctor, maybe, but only if I have to advocate for something and even then it's not really a fight.) In fact, I always have to try and be the better person. I have to consider what the patient/family member is going through and even if I don't agree I have to try to accommodate them so they feel like we did our best to care for them. I'll be confrontational when I have to be, but I won't pick fights.

I tend to do this with W. I could just as easily get upset about lots of little things, but I usually try and consider where he's coming from first and think about whether or not it's worth getting mad. I know this is all well and good, but am I laying the foundation for something disastrous? Like, should I let myself be upset about the little things when I'm feeling upset so he knows that I'm irked? Is he going to always expect me to be rational and considerate of him even when I'm the one who feels wronged?

Don't get me wrong...I'm not going to be upset just for the sake of being upset and fighting. I'm just wondering if I'm gonna be able to maintain this level of patience when we're married. I'm guessing I won't because 1) I'll have to do it at work and it's tiring to do it all the time...sometimes I just want to be selfish and 2) we'll be living together, and there won't always be time to think about how I'm feeling or what's really going on in the situation. Oh and 3) because I'm sinful. And human.

I know this is one of many things we'll address in premarital counseling but it's one of those things that makes me cringe...mostly because I hate fighting. But I know that it's something that helps us learn about each other and eventually draws us closer. W hates fighting with me, too (I thought it was really sweet when he said that.) He seems to have a better grasp of reality when it comes to how things are gonna be when we're actually married while I seem to be in this cloud of almost-wedded-bliss.

survey says...

Thanks for the input! No paper flowers...I'm relieved cuz I didn't really feel like making all those.

Now we just have to figure out how to use ribbons or tulle to decorate the aisles. A couple options:
The Martha Stewart ribbon garland...which would obviously not be in Christmas colors
Simple tulle with a center flower...this might be a little tricky because our pews are shaped weird.
I like this one the best, but our wedding is at 1pm, so I don't know if it'd have the same ambiance.

Gross alert:
I think being engaged has heightened my appreciation for flowers...all of the sudden I want to plant things, look at flowers, receive flowers. Normally I could care less (cuz they all die under my care) but lately even the sight of flowers can make my heart flutter a little. I have no idea why.

I was thinking about being upfront with W and asking him to surprise me with flowers sometime...but I wanted to sit on it more and see how I really felt about it. I went to work after thinking about it for a little bit.

Work was pretty standard and around 230pm I got a chance to eat lunch...and while I was stuffing my face the door of the breakroom opened and W was there! I was so shocked cuz I wasn't expecting him at all...and what's more, he brought me a surprise:


Cookies! One was a chocolate dipped shortbread cookie (shaped like a heart, aww) and the other was a chocolate sandwich cookie with mint cream in the middle. It totally made my day cuz I was craving a surprise and I was really sad that I couldn't spend that Saturday with him. It was a great reminder of his thoughtfulness...one of the many reasons why I'm marrying him.

As for the flowers...well, I think I'll be just fine. I think W knows me better than I know myself.

the sisterhood

There's a new trend where women have their best guy friends stand on their side instead of/in addition to bridesmaids. Back in high school I might have been interested in that idea, but now I'm thinking, "Why would you have a guy when girls are so much more fun?"

Exhibit A: making my married bridesmaids model accessories for the wedding.





















Seriously though...back when I thought girls and guys could be friends and it wouldn't get messy I was all about having guy friends. Thankfully I realized that platonic guy/girl friendships are a sham, and having close girl friends was a million times better than being some boy's "little sister" or "best friend." (That is, until he's willing to commit to being my best friend forever.)

Throughout this whole wedding planning process I've been reminded over and over how good it is to have good girl friends. I can talk about wedding stuff with guys, but their perspective will always be different. They don't have to think about changing their last names. They don't have to "leave" their families. They generally don't care about all the details of the reception. They don't obsess over whether or not they chose the right dress. They just don't understand, because the weight of the wedding is almost always put on the women.

Women KNOW. Even when we're not dating we have things in mind...or we see things we like and stick them in folders "for much later." We are aware of this huge undertaking because it's our responsibility. A couple weeks ago I was feeling really burdened by that fact, but lately I've been feeling empowered. I think it's an interesting model of how I hope our married relationship will be: right now, he trusts me to make decisions for us, but I try to consider what's best for him first. When we're married it'll be vice versa.

My graphic-designer cousin emailed to ask us about the invitations that she'll be designing and I started to freak out because we didn't have anything concrete to tell her. I thought up one thing but W didn't really like it, so it was back to the drawing board. W got frustrated because I was getting so caught up in all the details of it when he felt like no one would really care what the invitation looked like. I got frustrated because I care what it looks like!

Once I called my cousin and talked with her we came up with something that could work pretty well. It's funny cuz the first thing she suggested was the design that I originally came up with- so it was reassuring that we were on the same page. In the end, all of the discussions W and I had about the invitations today were really helpful because it helped me get a picture of what he wanted, even though he claimed not to care. It was such a relief to talk to her and get on the same page...and really, it was just fun to talk with her since she's my only first cousin who's married. It's fun to share that bond. =)

are we fancy?

The Sunday before I left California I had a tasting with Fresch Concepts. My brother and sister graciously agreed to come along and sample the food that they were preparing for us.

Fresch Concepts consists of 2 women in their 30's: pharmacists by trade, event planners/caterers as their alter egos! They're Asian but use European and American influences.






Homemade strawberry and mango sorbet in an ice bowl, tomato bisque, caesar salad spring rolls, and roasted sausage skewers! Yum.







The food was delish, and I really liked Mai and Annie. We ended up booking them, but we're asking them to make the menu more Asian than European. We care a lot more about the food being yummy than being super fancy. I know we're having Asian food all week, but we can't help it- we love Asian food! Korean BBQ for the rehearsal, Vietnamese for the reception, and Chinese for the banquet. Don't say we didn't feed you well on this trip.

Mai is supposed to come up with a sample menu for us...I can't wait to see it! I just have to make sure the rest of the reception hall follows suit in terms of decorations, atmosphere, etc.

Speaking of which- we decided to not spend thousands of dollars on flowers because, well, we don't really care. We agree that flowers are a nice touch, but we don't have the budget to spend a lot of money to decorate. We bought flowers for the basics (bouquet, boutinierres, etc.) but we didn't get anything to decorate the aisles or the fellowship hall for the reception.

I'm gonna pour through some magazines for reception ideas, but I thought of this for the aisles:




Tissue paper flowers!! Thank you, Martha Stewart.








So here's the question: Are tissue paper flowers cheap looking? Martha's actually look pretty good (they looked stunning on the cover of one of her magazines), so I'd venture to say that they'd be fine for aisle decorations. I'd just make small bouquets for each aisle and then maybe use some kind of ribbon or tulle to connect them. The other cheaper/less time consuming alternative would be to use big ribbons:











Part of me feels like I owe this wedding some sort of do-it-yourself project, but another part of me is wondering how much I'll actually care about what the aisle looks like. I care more about the guy at the end of the aisle! Input please!! If I end up making flowers I'll need to start soon...or I can have a flower-making sweatshop the week before the wedding.