no fighting

W and I finally had a date night where we didn't discuss any wedding stuff. We didn't explicitly say so, but I did my very best not to mention the wedding at all. Mission accomplished! We just sat and talked over beers at Watch City Brewery Co. in Waltham. (By beers I mean I drank 1/3 of mine and he drank his and 1/3 of mine.)

Anyway, he asked, "Is it weird that we don't fight very much?" It's true- generally we don't fight. We get frustrated with each other and we voice those frustrations, but we rarely fight. I wasn't that concerned about it cuz I know that in due time we'll more than make up for these years where we didn't fight much...but after thinking about it a little I'm more concerned.

I attribute some of this to the nature of my job. It's not in my best interest to fight with a patient or co-worker (a doctor, maybe, but only if I have to advocate for something and even then it's not really a fight.) In fact, I always have to try and be the better person. I have to consider what the patient/family member is going through and even if I don't agree I have to try to accommodate them so they feel like we did our best to care for them. I'll be confrontational when I have to be, but I won't pick fights.

I tend to do this with W. I could just as easily get upset about lots of little things, but I usually try and consider where he's coming from first and think about whether or not it's worth getting mad. I know this is all well and good, but am I laying the foundation for something disastrous? Like, should I let myself be upset about the little things when I'm feeling upset so he knows that I'm irked? Is he going to always expect me to be rational and considerate of him even when I'm the one who feels wronged?

Don't get me wrong...I'm not going to be upset just for the sake of being upset and fighting. I'm just wondering if I'm gonna be able to maintain this level of patience when we're married. I'm guessing I won't because 1) I'll have to do it at work and it's tiring to do it all the time...sometimes I just want to be selfish and 2) we'll be living together, and there won't always be time to think about how I'm feeling or what's really going on in the situation. Oh and 3) because I'm sinful. And human.

I know this is one of many things we'll address in premarital counseling but it's one of those things that makes me cringe...mostly because I hate fighting. But I know that it's something that helps us learn about each other and eventually draws us closer. W hates fighting with me, too (I thought it was really sweet when he said that.) He seems to have a better grasp of reality when it comes to how things are gonna be when we're actually married while I seem to be in this cloud of almost-wedded-bliss.